Why is this so hard?

This is so sick like why is this so hard.

I am not doing great

In fact, I don't remeber the last time I felt THIS BAD.

I think I'm having... I think I'm going through.. I don't know...

I think I'am going through another depressive episode... Why am I getting so emotional. Like nothing has happened.

Literally overnight, I went from being completely fine to feeling really really LOW out of nowhere.

And I know its.. its not just being sad because nothing in my life has happened for me to be sad Like my life is good, nothing bad has happened. There's nothing that's changed in the last two days that caused me to feel this way.

And I recognised these feelings, these feelings are the feelings I had when back.. when I was really depressed And it SCARES ME.

There was always that fear in the back of my head, that it would come back, But I guess I just wasn't prepared for it.

I don't feel good about myself, I feel really unconfident... Lets say.. Uhmm.. I don't wanna show myself to the world, Its almost like a switch has gone off in my head.. and its just.. I think so low about myself and I don't know where it comes from and I know it's just in my head and I know that I sound really crazy right now... But this is how I feel..

Like, I'm always on the verge of crying.. I'm always really emotional.. I don't know why..

Literally three days ago I was fine, And which makes me sound so crazy... and I don't know why I'm crying rn..

The sad thing is I know what exactly I'm feeling coz I've been through this before... Uhhh.. if i need to fix this I need to fix it myself.... for ME

And I don't know how to do that... I'm not doing great... and I feel bad for it... I hate that I cry all the time and try to being alone and try not to talk with anyone...

I don't know what to say... other than... Ammm.. This is how I feel rn.. and I don't feel very good... I just feel like I wanna hide.. I wanna stay on the bed all day.. I wanna hide away from the world..

It's like.. this feeling.. If I'm to describe this feeling.. This sinking feeling inside and It's just way me down and it's just like sad sinking feeling that eats away at you all day..

No matter what you do to distract yourself, the feeling always comes back and it just eats away of you and makes you feel sooo Small...

Anyway.. I think I've done enough crying now and I think I should just go..

This is Life.